Dear Ms. Smartphone: Conflict here between school time and screen time! Finally my twins are back in middle school (yay) but they used their tablets and phones so much during the lock down that they are having a hard time giving them up. They play online games when they get up, pull phones out when they board the school bus, and then whip them out for social media when they get home. I can’t really blame them, because tablets and phones were their lifeline this past year. Lindsay, Santa Monica
Dear Lindsay: First, the big picture. You mentioned that the twins are in middle school, so they were probably born around 2008 or later. They are the first generation that will grow up with smartphones from cradle to grave. We, as adults, don’t quite know what to make of that. Imagine what it was like 100 years ago when our great-grandparents experienced an entirely new mobility, as travel transitioned from horse and buggy to cars.
I mention this so you cut them some slack. Digital tech is going to grow up alongside them and they will use it in ways that we, as elders, cannot imagine today. But, to you immediate question, how do you wean kids from screen time to school time?
It’s a dialogue
Begin with a screen time conversation with their classroom teachers, other parents, and even the middle-school principal. This was the same advice I gave this past summer when kids were schooling in pods. It’s vital that kids on the playground are talking with each other, not over their phones and text.
Some schools have successfully banned phone use during recess and lunch. During the school day, you must exercise equal restraint, and never text or phone, even if they forgot their lunch money or your afternoon pickup changes.
Of Parenting Mind
In last week’s column I mentioned two parenting tips: Try out Tiffany Shlain’s program for a family-oriented Tech Shabbat, and second, make the screen time feature on the iPhone work for you. As a parent, you need to set boundaries- so add phone time to the learning list. You can customize the app so that the twins are restricted say on Snapchat, but not on other sites.
Finally, and this is the key take away: hopefully you, or a friend, can be there for your kids after school, or have them join an outdoor activity group. As Covid winds down, we all need to make a 180 degree U-Turn, and be committed to being out- of- doors instead of inside. Here in late Spring, it’s a good time to start taking after-school bike rides, hikes, or nature walks. If you live in the city, go to the park.
Of Out of Doors
And, with summer coming and school letting out just as it got started, you don’t want them back at home, sitting on their phones and tablets. Explore a day- camp that prioritizes out-of-door activities, and specifically bans phones or collects them in Yondr bags. If you can afford it or can get a scholarship, consider a sleep-over camp with an explicit phone-off policy.
These Covid-weary kids need to be immersed in outdoor activities and learn new skills like knots, ropes, and basic survival skills. More than ever, this age group needs to discover that basic survival rests beyond their digital devices. Although they are the face of a digital future, they need to see how earlier people got by.
So, hopefully, in the wild they will learn how ancient people navigated by the stars, not by their phones. They will see memory embedded in the the rings of trees. And the phone’s vivid time-lapse photography might still pale after witnessing daybreak and a fresh morning sunrise.